


Dolor

by Broken_Clover



Category: BlazBlue
Genre: Character Study, Depression, Gen, Slight Canon Divergence, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23686732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broken_Clover/pseuds/Broken_Clover
Summary: After sacrificing Rettenjo to seal the linchpin, Bang starts acting...odd.
Kudos: 7





	Dolor

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a theory way back when about how the other Nox may impact their users minds

Taokaka hummed a happy melody as she galavanted through the bustling village of Ronin-gai. Why wouldn’t she be happy? It was a pretty day, perfect for playing around! She was more than ready to goof around and play games. All that she was missing at the moment was someone to play them with! That wasn’t too much of a problem, anyway. Tao had lots of friends to play with. The other Kaka kittens, of course, and her friends outside the village, like Good Guy and scruffy man!

Tao wasn’t the best with directions, but she’d run through Ronin-gai enough times to know where most of the important things were. Unfortunately, that didn’t include scruffy man himself. Unlike buildings and bridges, he didn’t stay in one place, so Tao needed to look around in order to find him. That didn’t bother her, though! It was part of the game, in her mind. Besides, scruffy man was really bad at playing hide-and-seek in Ronin-gai, he was always really loud and easy to find!

Maybe he was finally catching onto Tao’s tricks, though. She’d been running around for a while and hadn’t even heard any dramatic speeches! Maybe someone had told him she was coming ahead of time. That was sneaky! But scruffy man was a ninja, he was supposed to be good at being sneaky.

Ah! Rounding the corner, she could spot one of the man’s underlings. Surely he would know something, wouldn’t he? 

“Hi hi, blow pop!” She greeted the ninja with a cheery mewl. “Where’s scruffy man? Tao wants to play with him!”

He jumped in surprise at her voice, and spun around to face her. “Gods, where did you come from? I thought I was going to have a heart attack!”

“Where’s scruffy man? Tao wants to play!” She repeated, ignoring whatever he’d just said. “C’mon, Tao wants to play nyow!”

“Jeez…” He rubbed the back of his neck, limbs still stiff out of fear. “You’re...the boss’ student, right? Taokaka?”

“Tao is Taokaka!” She nodded. “Where’s scruffy man?”

“I-I dunno.” The man almost seemed unsure of his own unsureness. “I haven’t seen him in a while. Usually boss tells us when he’s gonna go out on a mission, but I didn’t hear anything…”

Her tail flicked back and forth restlessly. “Is this a game, too? Did he tell you not to tell Tao? Well, it won’t work, meow!”

“I-I didn’t-!” He was cut off by the cat-girl suddenly tackling him to the ground, batting at his face with her jacket paws.

“Tell Tao where scruffy man is, meow!”

“I don’t know! He didn’t tell me!” Despite her being absolutely no kind of real threat, the man sounded a half-second away from pissing himself in terror. “Y-you could check his house? It’s locked, b-but there might be a note, just please don’t hurt me- !”

“Hmm?” Tao paused her very ineffective assault. “Where does scruffy man live?”

“I-it’s the big brown one a few blocks down, y-you- you can’t miss it!”

She hopped off of the man and ran off down the street. “Okay! Thanks, blow pop!”

He’d been right, the building did manage to stand out pretty well from the others. Tao was surprised she’d never seen it before. She would absolutely have to shout at scruffy man for not showing her sooner! There must have been all sorts of secrets to find in such a big house!

However, when she went to open the front door, it was locked. The same went for the side door, the back door, and the front windows. Did that mean he wasn’t home? Tao went around, trying every possible opening. After multiple tries, she managed to shimmy up a nearby tree and fiddle with a second-story window. It wasn’t locked, but it was still jammed pretty tightly in place.

“Grr...scruffy man, you sure aren’t making this easy!”

It took a few good yanks to make a half-foot gap between the sill and the window. Tao squished her face into the small slit, and, finding it suitable, wormed the rest of her body in after.

There wasn’t much light to be found inside the house. But Tao’s eyes let her see through it easily. If anything, that only made it more fun! Like a game of hide-and-seek!

“Scruffy man, where are yooooou? Tao wants to play!”

Tao’s ears twitched at the faint sound of movement. So someone was home! She wiggled her tail excitedly, skittering down the hall. The quiet sounds lead her down the stairs and past several rooms, until she found herself staring at a sliding door.

“Aha! Tao found you!”

Taokaka yanked the door open, bounding inside without any hesitation. The room was somehow even darker inside, but she could make out a pile of sheets twisted around on the floor in a messy lump. She pounced on the mass of blankets, immediately tumbling back off and landing on her haunches. “C’mon, scruffy man! Let’s play!”

She sat in eager anticipation as the pile moved, but Bang didn’t sit up.

“...Why are you here?”

Her ears twitched. Scruffy man sounded kinda funny, did he always sound like that?

She circled around the messy bedroll, only managing to get a slight glimpse of unkempt dark hair. “Scruffy man, Tao wants to play! Let’s play outside!”

Taokaka had expected that would have been enough to get the man up and eager to go. He had to have just been sleepy, right? He’d be in a much better mood once he woke up all the way. Then he’d sound normal, she just knew it.

“Don’t really feel like it, Tao…”

“Mrr? Whattaya mean?”

The blankets shifted into a slightly different, but still equally sluggish lump. “Jus’ don’t feel like it.”

She batted at the pile on the floor, but it only got her a dull groan. “Pls’ go away.”

Tao tilted her head, the ever-present smile on her face fading into a humorless line. “Scruffy man? Do you have a tummy ache?”

“Tao.” For the first time, a hint of sternness entered the man’s voice. “Leave me alone.”

The pitch and tone made a strange shiver run up her spine. It was finally enough to get Tao to change her mind. 

“Okay…”

Dejected, she let herself back out through the same window, falling down to the ground floor without any fuss. What had that been about? Scruffy man _always_ liked playing with her! Even when he was too busy, he didn’t sound so grumpy about it. Had she said something wrong? It was all so confusing...

Taokaka wandered down to Ronin-gai’s market district, wondering if a meal would make it easier to process. Besides, food always made her feel better. Maybe they’d have meat buns!

She circled the various carts and stalls, trying to decide what to eat. There was a nice variety, but that only made deciding harder. Glancing from vendor to vendor, she suddenly found her thoughts drifting away from food as she spotted a familiar shock of white hair at the end of the line for a noodle stand. 

Oh! It was Good Guy! He would know what to do! Good Guy was really smart!

Taokaka took a running leap, practically headbutting the man in the back. He somehow managed to not fall over from the sudden force, but it was enough to jar a few expletives loose.

“Good Guy!”

“Sonuva- Tao?! What the hell-”

The catgirl bit down on the tail of his jacket and started dragging him. After pulling him far enough, she dug her heels into the ground and started pushing him with all the strength she could muster.

Ragna floundered under the force, still too disoriented to manage a proper reaction. “Ghh- Tao, what are you doing?”

She continued to try and push him forward. “Tao needs help!”

“Huh?” That managed to get his attention. “What’s wrong?”

“Scruffy man is acting funny!”

“‘Funny?’”

“Tao wanted to play a game, but he wouldn’t get up! Just kept telling Tao to leave!”

Any concern Ragna had immediately vanished. He managed to sidestep the girl as she pushed him, letting her fall flat on her face. “Tao, not everyone wants to play with you all the time. Maybe he’s just tired. Or sick. No need to get all worked up.”

“No!” She shook her head vehemently, dusting the dirt off of her jacket. “Tao knows! Scruffy man isn’t acting like scruffy man!”

The swordsman eventually sighed, rolling his eyes. “If I go and it turns out he’s just caught a cold, will you promise to drop it?”

“Uh-huh! Tao promises! Just please please please do something! 

“Fine. Guess that means I’ll have to eat later…” Ragna sent a wistful last look at the marketplace in the distance before following along.

When they reached the house, he walked up to the doorstep and tried to slide the door open. “It’s locked?”

“It was locked when Tao came here, meow!”

Ragna sent her a baffled look. “Then how the hell did you get in?”

She pointed a floppy paw-sleeve at the second-floor window, still slightly ajar. “Tao got in through the window!”

“Got in through the…” His expression slowly hardened as he tilted his head back. “Seriously?”

“Only one that wasn’t locked!”

“So why didn’t you unlock the door when- ?!” Ragna threw his hands up, and rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Why am I even surprised…”

“Don’t worry, meow!” Tao smiled. “Tao found a tree to climb! I can show you the way up!”

Ragna wasn’t as naturally adept at climbing. Tao’s path up the tree wasn’t exactly the most stable, either, and there were at least three times where Ragna thought the branches would snap and he’d break his ass hitting the ground. Eventually, and with some help from Tao to shove him through the small opening, he managed to squeeze inside, immediately hitting the ground in a tangle of flailing limbs.

The catgirl slipped through far easier, landing almost daintily on all fours. “See? Tao told Good Guy that she knew a way!”

She trotted off, leaving Ragna to fumble back to his feet and chase after her, rubbing the sore spot on his head. As much as he wanted to get annoyed, he knew it wouldn’t help the situation. Instead, he followed Tao down the stairs, and she led him to the sliding door.

“He’s in here!” She shoved the door open. “Scruffy man! Tao brought another friend!

The pile on the floor made a little noise of dismay, huddling up tighter. Ragna knelt down by it, but made no motion to touch. “You awake?”

“Mmph.”

He took that as a yes, and stood back up. “Tao said there was something going on with you. You injured? Sick?”

He didn’t get a reply. Taokaka batted at him gently. “Scruffy man? Do you wanna play nyow?”

“Go away…”

“So you are awake?” Ragna asked. “Look, can you just get up a sec so we can see you? Tao’s half convinced you’re dying.”

Again, his question went unanswered. Ragna felt himself growing frustrated. He tugged the blanket down slightly until he could make out what he assumed was the man’s head, mostly covered by his hair. Something about him still seemed so much more ragged and scruffy than usual. Even with the sudden change, Bang hardly reacted, simply huddling further into a tight little ball.

“C’mon, say something.” Ragna reached out to tap him on the cheek. “Seriously, are you sick? Just tell us what’s wrong and we’ll leave you alone.”

Tao climbed on top of him, still looking a bit uneasy. “Scruffy man? Tao brought a friend! If you won’t talk to Tao, will you talk to Good Guy?”

She patted his face, sweeping away a bit of his dirty, unkempt hair. Underneath, his face was strangely sickly-looking, dark circles ringing both eyes.

Bang regarded the newcomer with no interest. “Wh’t is it?”

The man recoiled slightly. “It- it’s Ragna. Y’know, the outlaw? Ragna the Bloodedge?”

“Oh.”

“You...surprised to see me?”

“Not really.”

Ragna sent Tao a look. “Does he not remember me?”

“I remember.” Bang replied, shrugging. “Don’t really care.”

“You…” Ragna tried and failed to think of something to say. He didn’t exactly consider the man a ‘friend,’ but he was one of the friendlier and more harmless people he’d encountered. He’d been around Bang enough to know that being upbeat and annoyingly optimistic was how he always was. This was just uncomfortable to be around. “Are you okay?”

“‘m fine. Pls’ leave me alone.”

“You really don’t sound like it-”

“Go away!” Ragna managed to dodge the pillow thrown at his head. It wasn’t much of an attack at all. It just felt sad.

“Scruffy man…” Tao butted the pile, ears drooping. “Please come play?”

To their shared surprise, Bang actually moved in response. But he didn’t look like he’d had a change of heart. It was hard to read his expression, but it didn’t look anywhere close to happy.

**_“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”_ **

****

++++++

“Well, that was...uncomfortable.”

 _‘Understatement of the decade,’_ His thoughts unhelpfully replied. It didn’t help that he still had no idea what the hell had gone wrong. Ragna was fully aware that he wasn’t the best at comforting people, but Bang had seemed set off for no reason. He had looked out of sorts, but Ragna wasn’t sure if it was from sickness or lack of sleep. Maybe both?

His companion didn’t seem to have any idea either, merely walking alongside him back out of the man’s house. Ragna had the good sense to go out the front door, unlocking it in the process.

“You were right, Tao. Something’s definitely weird about him. Not anything I’d know about. I don’t suppose the Kaka Clan has any kind of weird sadness magic or something?”

“Uh-uh.” Tao sounded downtrodden. “Kakas don’t get sad much.”

“So we’re just in the dark, then…”

She perked up. “Maybe Boobie Lady might know? Boobie Lady knows a lot about fixing people!”

Ragna was less convinced, but he simply shrugged and followed. “Not sure if this is the kind of fixing she’s good with, but might as well give it a try.”

The catgirl went stiff. “Is Good-Guy getting sick too, meow?”

“What? No, I just-”

For the second time in five minutes, he managed to dodge something being thrown at him- this time, it was Tao trying to launch herself directly at his face.

“What the hell, Tao?!”

“Good-Guy had better not be getting sad-sick too, meow! Tao doesn’t wanna get sad-sick, neither!”

“Calm down, nobody’s getting sick.” He raised his hands in a submissive gesture, trying to avoid having to dodge yet more projectiles. “Let’s just head to Orient town and see if there’s anything she can do.”

She didn’t look completely assured, but Tao at least seemed a little calmer. “Ok. Tao believes you."

Neither of them spoke much along the winding trail, not at first. Ragna kept his eyes on the ground, still unsure of how to respond to the strange situation he’d found himself a part of. Seeing two people that he’d always associated with enthusiasm and joy acting so different was off-putting. Bang was enough, but Tao seemed unnaturally shaken too, ears folded flat against her head, lacking the cheery swishing tail that he was so used to seeing.

The only positive was that it was enough to provoke him into saying something, _anything_ , just to do something about the unease. “Hey. We’re gonna figure this out, okay?”

Her expression remained dull, but there was a little glimmer of hope in her eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He tried for a smile, but didn’t quite make it. “Litchi knows a lot more than we do, I’m sure she’ll do a better job than-”

“Cat-person!”

“Huh?” Ragna blinked, watching Tao perk up in an instant and bolt down the path. “Tao, where are you going?!”

The path twisted around a tree. When he circled it, Ragna found his companion eagerly hopping back and forth in front of an amused-looking Jubei.

“Easy, kid, I’m not as young as I used to be.” He gave a gravelly chuckle at the sight of the overexcited Kaka. 

“Master?” Ragna said, running up to the two of them. “What are you doing here?”

“Huh. So you’re here, too.” Jubei glanced up at his protege. “Celica offered to watch after Platinum for the afternoon, so I thought I’d get some fresh air. Never realized how busy those kids’ve got me until I get some time to myself! Should’ve figured something else would’ve popped up. Where are you kids headed?”

“We’re gonna go see Boobie Lady!” Said Tao.

“Heading up to Orient Town? Neither of ya looked banged up, you gonna have a lunch date or something?”

“Tao wants to see if Boobie Lady can help scruffy man!”

“We’re trying to see if she can help us with something. Neither of us know a lot about medicine.” Ragna clarified. “Bang is- uh, actually, do you know him at all?”

“Scruffy guy, was holding onto Rettenjo for a while?”

“Yeah, that’s the-” He cut himself off. “That’s right, I forgot he had to use it to seal the linchpin.”

Jubei smirked. “Hell of a thing to forget.”

The thought hadn’t occurred to him at all. In his defense, life didn't tend to slow down for him. It felt like the world was ending every few days at this point. “Maybe he’s upset about that? He seemed awful torn up about a weapon, though…”

“Ooh! Ooh! Tao heard about that story!” She chirped.

“Eh, I think I’d feel the same way about Musashi breakin’.” The cat-man shrugged. “Even outside of bein’ a Nox, it has sentimental value. Konoe made it special, after all.”

Ragna’s thoughts were already elsewhere. The Nox Nyctores were supposed to be powerful magical relics, weren’t they? Maybe that had something to do with it?

“Hey, master.” He said, glancing up. “Is there anything you can tell us about Rettenjo? Is there something special about it besides being the linchpin’s core?”

Jubei shook his head. “Don’t know much about that one. ‘s different from all the other Noxes, more of a tool than a weapon.”

“So you don’t know _anything?_ ”

“Calm down, Ragna, I’m sure I can think of something.” He tapped his small foot against the floor. “I dunno if it means anything, but I remember that Konoe started acting different when she first started working on it.”

“Mrr? What is it, cat-person?”

“She seemed more...energetic. More upbeat. I’d just thought she was excited to be working on a new project, but she did seem a whole heck of a lot happier when she was around the thing all the time. I know Yukianesa and Bolverk can change how their handler thinks, I don’t think it’s impossible that Rettenjo can do something like that, too.”

Ragna balked. “What, so the thing’s a giant antidepressant?”

“Like I said, I dunno for sure.”

Tao’s expression pinched. “But, wait a minute. Does that mean scruffy man is really like that all the time without Ren-ten-toe?”

“Hard to say.” Jubei replied. “He’s an Ikaruga vet, right? Can’t imagine losing your home would be all that good on the mind. If he’s been carrying Rettenjo around the whole time since then, who knows if he’s been able to feel the whole weight of everything until now.”

“Geez…” Ragna ran a hand through his messy hair. 

“Wait a minute.” Jubei’s eye widened. “You didn’t leave him by himself, did you?”

“Yeah, why-” After a moment, the Reaper donned a similar look of horror. “Oh, no.”

“Huh? Good-guy, what’s he talking about, meow?”

“Tao, we’re going back to Ronin-gai.” Ragna slung Aramasa over his shoulder and bolted off back in the direction they’d come, followed behind by Jubei and Tao.

++++++

_It’s all your fault, you know._

_“I know…”_

_You went and lost the one thing that you promised to take care of. She trusted you with something so precious, and you lost it._

_“I-I didn’t mean to!”_

_And now there’s nothing left of her. All because you went and ruined everything. That’s all you’re good for, isn’t it? Making things worse?_

_“That’s not true, I- !”_

_Oh please, you can’t even hold onto a few measly friends. You just have to drive them away, because you’re a worthless idiot who can’t do anything right._

_“I didn’t mean to yell at them…”_

_What would she think? All that time working and training and putting up with you. And for what? To have you fuck up and drag everyone down again?_

_You had one last chance to redeem yourself after failing to save her and you couldn’t even manage that._

_There’s only one thing that you can do now to atone for your mistakes._

_“...I know.”_

++++++

“Blow pop!”

The man froze up at the sound of Tao’s voice. “Oh gods, not again- !”

She tackled him to the ground a second time before he could run away. He looked terrified enough as-is, but he just as quickly also had to contend with the sight of both Jubei of the Six Heroes, and the SS-class Grim Reaper, both of which had their weapons at the ready.

“Where’s the loudmouth ninja?” The cat-man growled, managing a remarkably intimidating appearance despite his stature.

However, all it did was frighten the man further. He stuttered helplessly, staring at the sharp edges of Aramasa and Musashi as they sat a short distance away from his vulnerable body.

“Rrgh. Come on, say something!” Ragna slammed his blade into the dirt, crouching down closer. “Look, we need to find your boss. _Now._ Where is he?”

“I-I don’t know!” He managed to make out. “We’ve hardly seen him! He’s hardly come out of his house in the past couple of weeks-”

“Scruffy man isn’t there anymore!” Tao said. “Where did scruffy man go?”

He seemed just as surprised. “What? You mean he went out without saying anything?”

“His house’s empty and his bed’s cold. He clearly hasn’t been there for a while.” Said Jubei.

The ninja paled. “B-but that doesn’t make sense! Why would he do that without telling anyone?”

“That doesn’t matter!” Ragna shouted. “You know the guy, where would he go?!”

“I don’t know! M-maybe to Miss Litchi’s clinic, o-or to Wadatsumi-”

“Dammit!” He snarled. “This isn’t getting us anywhere! We’re wasting time!” Rubbing his temples, he thought for a moment before looking back down “What’s the tallest building in Ronin-Gai?”

“Th-the Phoenix tower! B-but why-”

_“WHERE IS IT??”_

“Two stories up, about five blocks down- it’s bright red-” 

“Nearest set of stairs is right down the road. Ragna, Tao, let’s get moving!” As quickly as they’d come, the trio turned around and sprinted off. 

Ragna’s vision narrowed, until he could only make out what was right in front of him. Anything else was an afterthought. The sound and feel of the wooden planks thumping under their steps. Aramasa clattering against his back. Panicked people stumbling out of their way. Jubei barking out a command- that way!- And a sharp turn to the left, towards a giant rust-colored building perched on the city’s edge. 

Were there any people inside the building? Ragna was going too fast to bother noticing. He practically smashed headlong into the first unlocked door he could find, and the sound echoed up the stairwell. Turn. Turn. Faster. Turn. A brief flash of Jubei’s fur out of the corner of his eye as he stumbled. Turn. Turn. Turn.

Another clang, even louder as he managed to knock the roof access door clean off its hinges and onto the ground.

A pair of familiar metal boots sat slumped in the middle of the rooftop. Bang, still in his bedclothes, stood a half-step away from the edge.

Ragna didn’t think. His feet carried him faster than he’d thought was possible. It felt like he was frozen, but he knew if he had let that instinct win, then he’d be responsible for whatever happened.

_“Don’t- !”_

Ragna felt his grip close around something solid, an arm. Tao had managed to grab the other. He had no time to marvel at their dumb luck. Instead, he immediately dug his heels into the roof. Sparks popped from where his metal heels scraped against the stone. He could feel the dead weight and slack muscles that gravity was trying to pull over, hundreds of feet down, over the edge of Ronin-gai. He and Tao were the only things keeping him tethered to the roof.

“What’s going on?!” Tao asked, in a tone more frantic than Ragna had ever heard her before. “Why is scruffy man on the roof?”

Slowly, Bang turned to her, smiling dumbly. “She’s waiting for me. Right behind those clouds. She’s right over there…”

“W- huh?”

“I’m gonna fly away, Tao. I’m gonna see my master again…”

“NO!” She screamed. “Scruffy man can’t fly!”

“The hell has gotten into you?!” Ragna shouted, trying to get a better grip but not willing to risk relinquishing an ounce of the control he already had.

The man swiveled his head around to face him, though he looked far less happy than he had a moment ago. “I knew it.”

“What? What are you talking about?!”

Bang somehow managed to go ever more slack in his grip, head slumping down. Ragna was gripping so hard, he wasn’t sure how he hadn’t broken skin. “You came back to tell me how useless I am again. It’s okay. I already know. So can we just skip this part? And then you don’t have to deal with me ruining everything ever again.”

Ragna had no idea what the hell he was trying to say. Being an annoyance was one thing, but ‘ruining everything?’ Was this really all because of some giant nail?

“What in the name of- ?”

He turned to his master’s grizzled voice, but it made a good inch of Bang’s arm slip out of his loosened grip. Ragna whipped back around and held on harder. “Where were you!?”

“Tripped on the way up. Got other stuff to worry about right now.” Jubei scampered over, trying to wrap himself around a limp leg and pull back, but his old, tiny body was working against him. “Damn. Nox or not, I didn’t think it’d be this close of a call.”

“Oh gods…” Bang spoke up again, in a weak, crackling whimper. “Someone else to watch? I already know I’m worthless, can’t you let me hold onto some shred of dignity?”

“Now you stop that talk now.” Said Jubei, low and dangerous. “Who put those stupid thoughts in your head?”

“Nobody had to. I figured it out because it was true. I always make things worse. I drag everyone down. Ikaruga fell because I was too weak and pathetic. I couldn’t save my home. I couldn’t save my master. I let everyone down. I failed them all.”

Ragna was having none of it. “Is that really worth jumping off a fucking building for?!”

“Of course it is. Ikaruga is gone. My master is dead. And now Rettenjo is gone, too. And they were all my fault. I can’t do anything right. So what else am I good for?”

“But what about Ronin-gai?” Jubei asked. “Don’t they need a leader?”

“Anyone would be better than me. They’d be better off without me. Everyone would.”

“But-”

“Just let me fall. For gods’ sakes, let me fall. I don’t want to bother anyone anymore. Just let me die already.”

Ragna couldn’t think of anything to say. So he focused on trying to find leverage, whatever that magical angle was that would make it easy to haul the weight back onto the safety of the roof. Dammit, he knew he could handle this much on a normal basis, so why was it so goddamn difficult now?

“Scruffy-man.” Tao spoke up, in a quiet little voice. “Do your insides hurt?”

“Tao, now isn’t the time for this shi-”

Ragna was cut off by a soft, sardonic chuckle. “It hurts...it hurts so bad…” Bang said,“it feels like my guts are all knotted and tangled up and I don’t know how to put them back in place. I feel like something is trying to crush me and I can’t get it to go away...no matter what I do, it won’t stop hurting. I can’t make it stop. I just want the pain to go away. I can’t stand it.”

Jubei changed his approach, attempting to yank on the back of the man’s shirt. “So that’s what this is about?”

“I deserve it. I know I deserve it. I couldn’t protect anything. This is my punishment.”

“Dammit, you don’t have to do this! _**It’s not worth it!”**_

“What would you know?” Bang asked, frustration tinging his voice. “How would you know how I feel?”

Ragna grit his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut along with it. “Y-you-...you’re right.”

“...What?”

“You’re right.” He said again. “I don’t know how you feel. I can never know how much losing all that meant to you. So I’m not gonna say stupid shit like ‘I know how you feel,’ because that’s just dumb. But can I just talk for a sec?”

Bang was still hanging free in his grip, but he nodded. “Ok.”

Ragna swallowed a lump in his throat. “I used to have two little siblings and a mom. Well, we always called her ‘sister,’ since we lived in a church, but she really was like a mom to us. They were my family. They were all I knew. And one day, the church burned down. Sister died in the fire. My little sister Saya was taken away, and my little brother Jin vanished.”

“Jin?”

“Yeah. Kisaragi, you- you know him…” Bang didn’t say anything, so he continued. “Jin’s still alive, but in a way, I still feel like I’ve lost him. You’ve seen what he’s like. I lost everyone I knew, until Jubei took me in and started looking after me. Even then, though, it still hurt. Losing my family, my home...knowing I’d never be able to see it again.”

It was a small movement, but Ragna could see Bang turning towards him. “...Why are you telling me this?”

“Because it feels better to talk about it. I can let my feelings out and say that it hurts. I know I don’t know how you feel, but I know talking about it can take some of the pain away. You don’t have to keep it all in your head. Look. I know I’m shit with words. I’m not gonna be able to think of all the right words right now. But it’s not like we have to be in a rush, anyway, right? We’ve got time. W- we can have time. I can think of better words. And if I don’t, you can always come back and do this later. But it doesn’t have to be right now. So please...can we please just talk?”

No response. Ragna could swear he was wearing down by the moment. When had his hands gotten so damp? Why did it feel like something was sliding-

A hand gripped tightly around his forearm. Ragna tensed, instinctively trying to find a way to get free before he could be dragged down too. But the sensation was brief, and he soon found himself falling _backwards,_ landing flat on the roof- followed a moment later by a bigger, louder thump landing right beside him.

“Shit!” Finally getting to release his hold let him realize how tired all the running had made him, but Ragna still managed to find enough juice to sit up and make sure he wasn’t imagining things. Bang still looked like hell, but the sunlight added some kind of lifelike warmth to his face. It felt weird to say, but Ragna had missed it.

“Bloodedge…” Ragna snapped to attention. Bang was looking at him. “Was all that true?”

He took a breath, and let his shoulders sag. “Yeah. Maybe it was kind of a dick move to dump it on you like that-”

The man slowly sat up. “The war ruined so many lives, but I never met anyone who lost everything. It may be presumptuous of me to think my suffering is any more important than someone else’s-”

Ragna’s eyes flashed dangerously. “Don’t go any further with that.”

“-But it makes me feel less lonely. To know someone else knows what that kind of hurt feels like.”

“Yeah. Wouldn’t have known if we didn’t talk about it, right?” Man, today was really doing a number on him. “How’d you manage to pull yourself back up? I could barely hold on.”

Bang was quiet for a moment. “I guess...I guess I just really wanted to.That’s what it was.”

Ragna had no idea what that was supposed to mean. He supposed it didn’t matter. “Guess I’m just glad you did it, I’m pretty sure me and Tao were-” He suddenly remembered his companion. “Tao!”

Thankfully, she was in the same pile as the rest of them. But Ragna noticed her shaking, paw-sleeves half-covering her face. They were wet. “Tao, why are you crying?”

“Tao through scruffy man was going to fall!” She replied between rough, gasping breaths. “S-she was so afraid that she w-wasn’t gonna be able to hold on anymore, and-”

That was her tipping point, and she burst into tears, burying her face in her paw-sleeves.

Bang’s eyes went wide at the sight. “I-I never thought- I never thought that would hurt people, I-...I thought everyone would be happier with it this way…”

“People care about you, kid.” Jubei said. “Y’really think that will all that do-gooding that nobody’d care what happened?”

“Oh gods, I...I…”

Bang pulled Tao and Ragna into a tight hug, shoulders trembling with quiet sobs. Tao’s were louder, unrestrained and painful to listen to. Ragna couldn’t make himself cry, but he held on tightly. Jubei managed to weasel into the tangle of limbs, purring soft and rhythmically as they all clung onto each other.

“It isn’t weakness.” Ragna said, barely loud enough to hear. “It doesn’t make you weak.”

He wasn’t sure if Bang could hear him, but he couldn’t make himself speak up. He just hoped it went through.

Eventually, the pressure wrapped around him lifted. Ragna sat down again and rubbed at his sore knees. “Did that help?”

“Yes. A lot.” The ninja’s face was still wet and red, but he looked infinitely better.

“Do you want to talk?” Ragna asked. “You don’t have to if you don’t feel up to it.”

“No, no, I-” He managed an uncertain smile. “I think you’re right. I can at least try, can’t I?”

The four settled down onto a loose-knit circle. Tao sat closest. “So how did scruffy man get Ren-Ten-Toe?”

“Heh. Well, that’s a bit of a long story, Tao. Took a while before I got there.”

“So start from the beginning, then.” Jubei said. “Give us the details.”

A nod. “Alright, then.”

Bang cleared his throat. “I first met Lord Tenjo when I was nine years old…”


End file.
